The first step towards getting a date is flirting. That means it’s a good skill to master. Unfortunately, there’s an absolute ton of terrible advice out there for guys. There’s a whole industry devoted to ‘helping’ you get the girl but honestly, most of it is counterproductive in the extreme, especially if you’re looking for a real girlfriend.
Luckily for you, there’s a lot less to being flirty than the internet would have you think. The key skills really are all pretty basic:
- Listening, Responding and Engaging
- Be confident, but not cocky
Once you’ve got that down, being flirty flows naturally.
The 5 Types Of Flirting Languages
There’s all kinds of flirting out there, from the serious “I want you” look to the more playful stuff that you know isn’t really going anywhere. The really unfortunate thing is that with so many varieties out there, we tend to be terrible at working out when someone is actually flirting with us.
Experiments have found that we’re good at knowing when someone isn’t flirting, but when they are only 36% of men and 18% of women could identify it accurately.
Flirting styles basically break down into 5 categories:
- Polite
- Playful
- Traditional
- Physical
- Sincere
Polite
Manners maketh the man, as the saying goes. Paying compliments, listening intently and responding appropriately and the like all fall into this category. People who are polite flirters are anxious to never come across as needy, aggressive, or overly keen.
Playful
Perhaps the trickiest to master if you’re short on confidence. Gentle teasing, joking and flirty banter all fit in here. Just remember, the real art is to never. Ever. Cross the line. It’s meant to be fun for everyone involved.
Traditional
This is the old-school approach, where one partner plays the more active role (usually the man in hetero relationships). It’s much more bound up in the traditional gender roles.
Physical
Physical flirters let their actions speak for them. It doesn’t have to be touching, though it can sometimes be, but things like looks, playing with your hair, and mirroring body language all fit neatly in here.
Sincere
Flirting is all about creating an emotional response, and sincere flirters do this through self-disclosure, social support, and showing interest in a romantic (though not always directly sexual) way.
How To Flirt With A Girl Online: Strategies
In the modern world, a lot, if not most, of us meet prospective partners online. That might be through dating sites, apps, social media groups or whatever, but the internet has become our major matchmaker.
Ask any woman about their experience with dating online and they’ll tell you horror stories. There’s a whole genre of memes dedicated getting this wrong. And before we go any further, no, don’t be that guy. No one wants that. You know what we’re talking about.
Some of the flirting languages we covered above are more useful than others here. It’s hard to mirror someone’s body language when all you can see is a profile pic and some text. To get your amorous intent across online, or even just to have a fun, flirty conversation, we’re going to need specific strategies.
Likewise, focusing on the polite style is of limited effectiveness online. We’re not suggesting that you go out there and be brazen and staying respectful is vital, but without the physical aspects, it’s tricky to create a flirty atmosphere. Tone doesn’t convey well online and there’s the risk that she’ll just think you’re being super polite.
A mixture between playful and sincere (your ratio will vary, depending on your personality) is in order when wondering how to be flirty online. You’re aiming for fun and playful but you also want to build a connection.
If you’re online, take the time to actually read her profile. This should give you a bit of insight into her. Remember, you’ve got one chance at an opening line, so make sure you’re hitting that note right.
As with any flirting effort, confidence is key. Be ready for some witty repartee and a bit of back and forth. On the apps you’re there for the same reason after all.
How To Flirt With A Girl Face To Face
While more and more of our romantic lives are starting off behind the cover of a screen, there’s still room for a bit of IRL flirting. It can be nerve-wracking, but with a little confidence, you can get lucky and get that number from time to time.
Not only will mastering the art of in-person flirtation get you more dates, it’s a good skill to master for when you’re actually on them, too. Flirting on a first date, especially if you do it well, is the best way to get a second.
Whatever your flirting language, in person is the perfect way to try it out. They all have a chance of working face-to-face, depending on the tastes of your partner. Here are a few flirting tips for those first dates and chance encounters:
- Mirror their body language. If they turn to face you, do the same. They touch their hair, copy it.
- Eye contact. Women often signal that they’re interested in someone through prolonged eye contact. Don’t turn away (but also, don’t stare. It’s creepy. You’re flirting, not trying to win a contest).
- Open posture. Create a bit of space around yourself, with an open, relaxed posture. It might be cliché but an arm over the back of a chair sends subliminal messages.
- Be confident. A comfortable man is an attractive man. That being said, remember that cockiness is just annoying and nothing makes you seem less confident than making a bit show if it. Big dogs don’t bark.
- If you’re nervous, let it show. It might seem contrary to our point above but it really isn’t. What takes more bravery: being scared and doing it anyway or doing something that doesn’t faze you? Being a bit nervous around someone is endearing and honestly, it’s kind of a huge compliment.
The Wrong Way to Flirt With a Girl: Strategies
Of course, there are even more bad ways than good ways to flirt.
Straying from confident to cocky is probably the biggest cardinal sin of flirty conversation. She wants to know you’re comfortable in yourself, not that you think you’re the best of the best. Let’s face it, you probably aren’t and that’s fine. Cockiness is annoying and no fun to spend time with.
Focusing on yourself plays off this too. If there’s a single flirting tip to take away from this, it’s focus on them. The number one thing that people mess up when trying to initiate a flirty conversation is failing to engage. You’re trying to create an emotional bond, and that doesn’t come without really paying attention. They want to know you’re paying attention, and that means answering and asking follow-up questions. It doesn’t mean just talking about yourself and how great you are.
While a bit of playful teasing is a great thing and some back-and-forth banter is one of life’s greatest joys, it’s easy to go too far. Gauging her responses and tailoring your killer lines to her sense of humour is a must. Mess this up and you’ll end up a meme.
So Why Is Flirting So Important?
At the end of the day, none of us would be here if flirting was really as difficult as people make out.
Without a bit of ability to playfully flirt and make your attraction known, there’s simply no way to bag that date. Yeah, sometimes you’ll bring your A-game and it will go nowhere, but when you notice that she’s flirting back there’s nothing that compares.
If there is a single takeaway flirting tip from this piece it’s this: get out there and have some fun. Flirting is easy when you stop thinking too much.
