When it comes to relationships, it can often be a bit tricky to pin down exactly what’s going on. Different terms might mean different things to different people and working out where you stand can be a bit of an art.
Sometimes, dating is just dating. Sometimes, it’s the start of a relationship. How to go about Judging where that line falls is a question that has plagued couples since time immemorial. It’s made even trickier when one partner thinks you’re just having fun and the other disagrees.
To help you untangle this minefield, we’ve compiled this guide.
Fuzzy Lines: The Differences Between Relationships and Dating
Is dating the same as being in a relationship? The answer is basically no, but as with everything else in love, it kind of depends.
Dating could well be the early stages of a relationship, and even the best-established couples can benefit from dating. That doesn’t mean that they’re interchangeable terms, though.
In general, ‘dating’ moves on to being ‘a relationship’ when both partners have made a commitment to each other. What shape that commitment takes will vary from couple to couple. For many, it means exclusivity and monogamy. For others, it doesn’t.
Like we said, it depends. Love is a beautiful, if sometimes confusing, tapestry, after all.
What Is Dating?
Dating is the nerve-wracking, exciting stage of getting into a relationship where you’re still sizing each other up.
During the dating phase, you’re effectively deciding if this person is someone you might consider spending more time with. Sometimes, it might be even more casual than that- they’re not a prospective partner, but you have fun together, and that’s fine too.
There’s usually no expectation of exclusivity when it comes to dating, especially in the earlier stages. You’re just two people getting to know each other and if it leads to a boyfriend and girlfriend (or boyfriend and boyfriend, girlfriend and girlfriend, or whatever best describes your situation), then that’s just gravy.
The Stages of Dating
While there are no hard and fast rules about dating, the process can generally be broken down into various stages.
- The awkward phase
- Attraction
- Confusion
- Intimacy
Let’s break them down:
The Awkward Phase
You don’t really know this person, yet you’re trying to present the best version of yourself while trying to evaluate your new partner. Even if you do feel that immediate spark, there’s no disusing that the first few dates can be incredibly awkward!
Sometimes (maybe even most often), this is as far as things get. On the occasions that things do progress beyond the initial awkwardness, we move on to the next stage:
Attraction
Attraction is the next phase- and we mean attraction beyond the initial “oh, they look good” phase.
After a date or two, if things are going well, you might find yourself thinking about them more and making contact more often.
Confusion
So, you’re definitely attracted to them, but are they thinking the same? Do you (or they) need more time to decide? This is the stage where the confusion between dating and relationships starts to come in.
Intimacy
The confusion is starting to clear and you’re definitely feeling a connection. Whether or not this represents a ‘relationship’ or not is still a bit of a grey area, but you’re certainly moving towards it.
What Is A Relationship?
While the precise line between dating and a relationship can be pretty fuzzy, it’s basically when you start to think of this person as a partner.
You might start defining yourselves as being boyfriend and girlfriend, or you might not bother with labels. The effect is much the same. You trust them, you’ve got feelings for them, and a connection has most definitely formed. You’ve had ‘the talk’, and you’ve both made a choice to be in a committed relationship with each other.
Like with dating, there are no hard and fast rules, but generally, the stages go something like this:
What Are The Stages Of A Relationship?
Generally, a relationship kicks off with a talk. You express that you’ve got feelings, and they do the same- congratulations, you’re in a relationship now, whatever that looks like for you.
From here, it’s natural to start thinking about the future- let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. We’re talking about trips and spending more time together. Of course, even with feelings blossoming all over the place, you’ll not be spending all your time alone. This is usually when people will introduce each other to their social circles and maybe even their families.
Maybe the most defining feature of a relationship is when we take off our dating masks and really let our partners in.
While getting to know each other, it’s only natural to put forward the best possible version of yourself. Of course, no one is at their best at all times, so eventually, that mask has to come off. You’re going to get mad, sad, happy, and generally emotional. The level of intimacy that you’ve built up should allow you to let your partner see all of this and really get to know you. With this level of trust, it’s only natural that they become your go-to person for crises and emergencies, too.
Finally, you might find yourself wanting to say those 3 little words: I love you.
Of course, this doesn’t necessarily all happen overnight or in any particular order.
How Long Does It Take For Dating To Become A Relationship?
If you’re wondering how long you should be dating before considering yourself to be in a serious relationship, the answer is ‘how long is a piece of string?’, if you’ll forgive the cliché.
There’s simply no one-size-fits-all answer to this one, and when you know, you know.
For some couples, the transition from casual dating to professing their wild, mad, passionate love for one another happens in a matter of moments. For others, it’s a long, slow build where you gently build trust and intimacy. There’s no right and wrong, really, and every couple has their own balance.
For most couples, the dating-but-not-together phase goes on for a few weeks or months. During this time, you’re still thinking of yourselves as individuals rather than a unit and getting to know each other. If you’re relationship-minded, you’re sizing up your potential partner for something a bit more committed.
It might seem like a bit of a nothing answer, but these things happen at their own pace. Once you’re both clearly feeling things beyond the animal attraction phase, it’s worth having the talk and deciding if this is something more than just having fun.
It’s an unfortunate fact that for most of us, there’s nothing more likely to scupper the chances of something developing than forcing it. Deciding to take that next step towards commitment has to be a mutual thing, and getting the judgment call wrong can really strip the rhythm out of the process. The course of true love never did run smoothly, after all.
The real key to deciding that your dating has moved into relationship territory is when you’re both ready to make a commitment to each other, despite the complications and confusions inherent in moving to that new stage.
In Conclusion: It’s Confusing But Worth It
Opening yourself up to something that involves real feelings and connection means putting yourself out there. That is a scary experience, but when done with the right person, it can be amongst the most rewarding. Knowing how to read them, building intimacy, and moving beyond the dating phase into a committed relationship is a magical experience.
Unfortunately, knowing when you’ve crossed from dating someone into being in a relationship with them can be a bit of a minefield. There are no hard and fast rules and sometimes you’ll get your feelings hurt, but when it does work out, there’s nothing better.
