Dating a bisexual girl isn’t fundamentally much different from dating any other woman. There’s no great secret to it. You meet a bisexual girl. You date for a bit. You see how it goes.
Meeting and dating a bisexual girl, whether you’re a straight man, lesbian, bi-curious woman, or anyone else, doesn’t come with any special rules. Your relationship will be unique, just like every other one anyone has ever had.
Get the myths, stereotypes, and preconceptions out of your head and take them for the individual they are. Stop being weird about it, and enjoy the moment!
That being said, it’s important not to fall into the bi-erasure trap. Just because she happens to be with a man or woman at the moment has no bearing on her bisexuality. Her identity is her own, and having people tell her she’s wrong about it is a fast way to end a relationship. Be an ally.
What Are The Signs A Woman Is Bisexual. Is My Girlfriend Bi?
As human sexuality comes in all kinds of flavors, you might find yourself in a relationship and wondering, “Is my girlfriend bi?”. This could equally come up in a relationship between a straight couple or a lesbian one.
There’s no secret sign, no membership cards, no secret handshake, just liking more than one gender. It’s really not that complex!
Unfortunately, we live in an age of bi-erasure, and many bisexual women may experience a visceral fear of coming out. They may have to deal with silly (or vicious) preconceived notions about their sexuality, so they attempt to ‘pass’ as straight or gay for the sake of a quiet life. If you’re not sure about whether your girlfriend is bi or not, ask her.
If she does decide to open up to you, well and good. If she doesn’t, then just enjoy the relationship as it is. She’s with you, and that’s all that really matters.
Dealing With Bisexuality In A Relationship
As we mentioned above, bisexuality does come with a whole host of preconceptions. If you want a relationship, or even a second date, with a bisexual woman, it’s best to get these out of your head now. Stereotypes don’t benefit anyone, and honestly, who wants to date someone who thinks of them as a cartoon?
1. Just because she likes multiple genders doesn’t mean she’ll cheat
She might, but that’s got nothing to do with her being bi! There’s no more chance of that happening than in any other relationship. Stop being so insecure!
2. It’s not just a phase
Sexuality is a spectrum, and, yeah, it does move over time for lots of us. That doesn’t mean that she’ll ‘grow out of it’ and ‘pick a side.’ A bisexual woman may end up with a male or female long-term partner, but she’s still bi.
3. Bisexuality doesn’t mean promiscuity
Again, being a bi girl doesn’t mean that you sleep with everyone. Maybe she is poly, maybe she is monogamous. Being bi has no impact on that.
It also doesn’t mean you’re getting that threesome you’ve been asking for. Maybe you will, but that’s up to you two (and your third) to decide- there are no sure things.
4. She’s probably not on the route to being a lesbian
Maybe she is ‘coming out in stages’ or maybe how she chooses to identify will change in the future. But then again, she’s probably just bi.
5. She doesn’t ‘just need a real man’.
Dude, gross. Don’t be that guy. Anyone saying that or any permutation on the theme gives off a major ick. She knows who she is.
Once again, it’s not wildly different from any other relationship. Acknowledge that your bisexual partner is a human being and not a walking stereotype, and take them for what they are. There are no hard-and-fast rules.
Bi Data: How many bisexual women are there and who do they date?
Before we get into this, a qualifier: stats have no impact on the individual. Just because the data says something is more common, it doesn’t mean that it applies to every example. This is doubly true with ‘self-reported’ data.
Stats on sexuality are tricky to pin down, but the usually given estimate is that between 3-5% of women are bisexual. This varies depending on where, when, and who is asked, but generally, the number of women self-identifying as bisexual is on the rise from generation to generation.
Interestingly, similar surveys suggest that the number of women who’ve had a sexual experience with another woman is much higher. This just goes to show that getting overly obsessive about labels and numbers is a fool’s errand- people just aren’t that easy to pin down.
Over 80% of women who self-identify as bi end up dating straight men. Only around 9% end up in long-term lesbian relationships. The reasons for this imbalance vary from person to person, and it’s silly to infer qualitative information from quantitative data. That being said, societal pressure and bi-erasure are often cited causes, as depressing as that is.
Women Dating Women: Should Lesbians Date Bisexual Girls?
The real question here is; do you like her?
If the answer is ‘yes’, sure, why not? Have fun!
If the answer is ‘no’ then probably don’t. You won’t have a good time, and neither will she.
Dating a bisexual woman doesn’t make you any less of a lesbian, just like dating her doesn’t make her less bi. She’s a woman that dates women, just like any other.
If you hit it off, go for it.
Dating A Bisexual Girl: The Rules
While dating a bisexual girl isn’t really much different than dating a straight or lesbian one, there are a few things to take into consideration. Most of these apply to any relationship and basically boil down to “don’t be weird and just try and enjoy the relationship for what it is,” but let’s break them down a bit:
1. Don’t ask annoying questions
If she’s told you she’s bi, then that’s what she is. If she hasn’t told you, don’t poke. Don’t be weird about things. You wouldn’t ask your date if she was “really straight”, would you? Likewise, don’t go asking her to put numbers on things. There’s no percentage of straight/gay: it doesn’t really work that way. She’s bi, not a pie chart.
2. You can’t change her
Look, we’re not saying you’re not fantastic in bed, but don’t go thinking that you’re that good. If your partner says they’re bi, you’re not going to ‘convert’ her. Honestly, it’s creepy and disrespectful to even try. Even if it all goes amazingly and you two end up as life partners, you didn’t change her.
3. Don’t assume she’s oversexed
Just because she’s attracted to more than one gender, don’t assume she’s some kind of sex-crazed demon. Like every other person, she’s got her own level of sex drive that’s totally detached from her preference of partner.
4. Bi-erasure is a thing
When she’s with a guy, people are going to assume she’s straight. When she’s with a woman, they’ll think she’s a lesbian. She’s neither; she’s bisexual, and that’s fine. This can mean that she feels ‘left out’ of both communities. It’s your job as a partner to make sure that she knows you see all of her.
It’s Really Not That Hard
It’s really not that complex: some women like more than one gender. No, that doesn’t mean they’re going to cheat. It doesn’t mean that they’re going to offer you a threesome. It doesn’t mean anything beyond them liking more than one gender!
Just like any other relationship, dating a bi girl will have its ups and downs but very few, if any, of those will come from her sexuality.
If you’re thinking about getting into a relationship with a bisexual woman, then what’s stopping you? Get out there, get out of your own head and enjoy your relationship.
